


I Miss You, You Know

by StairsWarning



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StairsWarning/pseuds/StairsWarning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann thought he hated it. He honestly thought he loathed the sound of his lab partner’s voice. He thought he hated his laugh.<br/>He was wrong, of course.</p>
<p>(angsty newtmann, be warned)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You, You Know

The silence was the worst part.

By  _ God, _ he never shut up. 

There was always music playing, or humming, or chatting about the Kaiju structure or about a new movie or about his day, or just about nothing in particular, like how  _ when I was little, I had the weirdest shit happen to me. My aunt and uncle used to live on a farm, ok? And there was this cat that lived in the barn, no biggie. But like, I didn’t realize that the cat wasn’t supposed to be there and my aunt and uncle didn’t even know about that cat until, like, five years after I met the damn thing and I said offhandedly to my uncle, “hey, I think your cat needs to go to the vet or something. It’s getting kinda sickly.” and my uncle was like, “what cat?? Newt, what did you do??” And I showed him the cat and they were sooooo confused, man. Oh my god it was so fuckin’ funny. _

Hermann thought he hated it. He honestly thought he loathed the sound of his lab partner’s voice. He thought he hated his laugh.

He was wrong, of course.

Hermann thought he would never miss his colorful tattoos, messy hair, and even messier personality.

His last impressions echo in and out of Hermann’s head often. The whisperings of a cool summer breeze as he- no, as Newt- dug in the dirt, trying to find bugs. The sounds of a piano, no, a guitar, no, a  _ drum set _ , in the garage, next to his father’s old junker car.

He recalls a letter. Addressed to Hermann. Newt was smiling at it.

 

The silence drew out like a shadow in the late evening sun, over exaggerated. Hermann wrote away at his chalkboard, the quiet taps barely penetrating the vast room. Hermann worked without end. There were no lyrics to help him gauge the passage of time, or a stomach louder and needier than his to remind him to  _ eat something, for God’s sake, Hermann! You look frail as hell at that dumb chalkboard. Let’s get some lunch. _

 

Sometimes he would turn the radio onto the ghastly radio station Newt loved so much, turning them up a hair too loud, just for old times sake. It helped him focus.

_ God, this is sad. _ Hermann would think to himself as he sat down on Newt’s side of the lab. There were still some crusted spots of Kaiju gunk on the floor that for some reason Hermann didn’t have the heart to clean up.

He closed his eyes, laying his head down on the hard tile of their lab floor. A blue-tinted memory surfaced hazily, of the floor coming in and out of focus, Hermann racing over to his side, saying,  _ “What have you done?” _ looking much more concerned than he would usually be. Newt smiles. The memory cuts off. Hermann remembers the second drift, the look on Newt’s face so simply  _ alive _ that it made Hermann do a double-take, but of course it was too late to ask  _ what in the bloody hell is wrong with you, Newt?? How can you look so happy after all of that? ...Newt? Newt! Please, please wake up Newt, we did it! Please! _ A sob wrenches itself out of Hermann’s throat.

He sits up, rubbing his tear-stained face a bit before standing up. He limps toward the lab’s exit, walking down the hallway at a much slower pace than what Newt would have allowed.  _ Come on, old man! I know you can walk faster than that! C’mon, c’mon, we have places to be!! _ He would grin at Hermann, dragging him by the elbow wherever they were headed. Hermann walks faster.

He reaches the doors to the Shatterdome, thankfully not running into anyone that would give him pitying looks. Tendo had been getting on his case for not talking for a whole week, saying something about shock. But he just didn’t understand, the reason he didn’t speak was because he had no reason to. He had no one  _ to _ talk to.

Hermann walks outside into the chill air. He takes a deep breath before heading towards the ocean line, his eyes roving over the grey skyline of the city around him. Newt loved to wax poetic about Hong Kong. He thought that  _ God, I’d live here for the rest of my life if it didn’t have the constant threat of a Kaiju attack looming over it! Seriously, Hermann. I see you over there rolling your eyes at me, but I’m being serious as shit over here! _ A fake serious look had taken over his face, slowly being replaced with the telltale corners of his mouth turning up. 

Hermann sat on the little wall separating the sea from the base, letting his legs hang free. He told Newt once that he would  _ Slip and die, one day Newton, I swear. _ All Newton had responded with was  _ Oh yeah? Well I’m a rockstar and super badass, and when I die, it’ll be waaaaaaay more badass than slipping on this dumb ledge. _

He was right, Hermann supposes.

Hermann looks into the distance, the sun already below the horizon, the sky slowly turning a deep blue.

Hermann considers jumping off the ledge into the stormy-grey waters. It would be easier than having the constant reminder of his aching loneliness at every turn. Newt had said to him once that  _ Not gonna lie, dude, but we’re both probably gonna die alone. That’s so depressing to think about. _ Hermann just grunted in disappointed agreement.  _ Hey dude, _ Newt had said, breaking the silence,  _ if we both don’t end up with super hot wives or whatever, then we should just live together. Just so we don’t accidentally starve to death or something, ha. _ Hermann turned towards Newt, away from his chalkboard. He responded with,  _ I’d appreciate that, Newton. _

 

“I miss you, Newt.” Hermann whispers. He looks up into the sky. “I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

He leans toward the ocean spray, closing his eyes, and falling forwards.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry about this.... i have a super cute, 6k long amazing newtmann fic in the works to make up for this, i promise. 
> 
> (also, please don't commit suicide. it really is never the answer. not even really in this instance either. i care about you guys <3)


End file.
